“AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?” MODERN PARENT CONTEST
The Pandemic Taught My Teens Some Great Values
A mom’s letter of gratitude
This post is an entry in Modern Parent’s “Am I Doing This Right?” writing contest.
The year 2020 was significant in defining our Teen’s Value System. For us, it was also a litmus test of all the values that we have been trying to inculcate in our teen girls.
Actually, why only children? This year will be a defining or rather a re-defining year for all of us.
All of us are re-evaluating and re-calibrating our list of morals and values, life goals and priorities. We are at a juncture where some of the basic things that we had taken for granted have become a luxury, and we are deriving happiness from these.
I call this Back to Basics living, and maybe our world needed someone to press that “RESET” button & the year 2020 came to the rescue. But this is not about us.
This is about our kids and how they have coped with this unique situation that they had not & I hope not will see again in their lifetime. While on the face of it, children and adolescents may appear less at risk for severe COVID-19 symptoms until last year. But the pandemic has significantly disrupted their lives and their routines even in 2021.
An interesting article by experts at Johns Hopkins Center for Adolescent Health made me realise what my Teen may be going through during these times. The anxiety & stress brought about by social distancing norms & lockdown can be unnerving & depressing at the same time.
Being a strong believer in certain values, I have tried to inculcate these beliefs in my kids right from childhood as my parents did for me. But I also understand that today’s kids have to experience things to relate to these values; otherwise, these are mere “good words”.
The Pandemic unfolded a different side of my teens which also gave me an insight into my parenting scorecard.
The Beginning
For my teens, their Spring Break transitioned to the quarantine & online schooling. And this continued right into their summer vacations like most of the kids worldwide.
Therefore nearly four and half months of complete social distancing with their friends, whether school or condominium. And we all know how vital this association is, especially for teens. Their entire social ecosystem got disrupted, thus leaving them emotionally insecure and alone.
For my girls, this transition started with shock, disbelief, rejection and some stressful moments. Slowly they moved into the acceptance zone. And surprisingly, after maybe a month, they accepted the reality and made the best of it.
Never Take Things for Granted
I would have used this line a zillion times with my kids during their growing up years. And especially during their teenage years. But this forced quarantine opened our eyes to this reality like none other.
Our everyday routines got disrupted. Whether it was going out grocery shopping, visiting our family or friends or even stepping out for a walk. My elder daughter was distraught initially that she could not go to a shopping mall. At the same time, my younger daughter could not do her daily evening swimming sessions with her friend.
Believe me; these can be trivial for us but not for that age group. Suddenly there was no difference between weekdays & weekends except online classes. They remained in the same house with the same faces day in and day out.
After being through this, when I asked my daughters what their biggest lesson was, the first thing they said was “ not to take things for granted “. Whether it is their everyday routines, distant family or friends and the most surprising answer was “School”. Yes, they missed school because they had taken for granted that school will be there always.
Important Value learnt — “Be Grateful” for what you have and never take things for granted. While I have been preaching that always but now it struck a chord.
Embrace Change
Could we have ever imagined that most of us will be sitting at home doing all our work? Well, maybe some of us have been doing this; therefore, we can still digest it. But online schooling was unheard of.
School is not only a medium for imparting knowledge but also a platform for interaction with fellow students, bonding and a lot of extra-curricular activities. Suddenly all this stopped, and the only source of communication with the outside world is the digital platform.
How ironic that now our teens are more glued to the screens than they were earlier. The only difference is that now they have a stamp of acceptance.
So here, the acceptance curve was positive initially, and then it moved down south as monotony set in. There were no regular fun breaks with friends, no running across the corridors and no sports or drama rehearsals to hang around with friends.
That’s where my husband & I stepped in and tried to play various roles to cheer them up and make them accept this change which was here to stay. We decided to inculcate in them the habit of living in the now& deriving happiness in small things available to us.
I must say we did well as a family and started accepting this “New Normal” positively. Again embracing any change that life throws at you and learning how to thrive in it is a big life lesson for our teens.
Every mom wants her kids to be adaptable & flexible enough to face any new challenges life throws at them. The pandemic forced this learning on them & they responded positively.
Interconnectedness
Interconnectedness is a big word with a straightforward meaning — a worldview that sees oneness in all things, no true separation deeper than appearances. What happens in one part of the world is no longer isolated there and has the ability to impact the whole world. The impact can be both positively or negatively.
This virus started in one part of the world, and within a few months, it had engulfed all the countries. Our teens experienced something like this for the first time. Till now they and even we had only heard & read about the World Wars, which lead to massive destruction worldwide. There have been numerous other disasters like tsunamis, floods, terrorist attacks, but they were isolated to a country or a cluster of states. But a disease like this has spared no country, religion or race.
The year 2020 has proved that we are no longer isolated and secure in our cocoon, and any event in any part of the world can have a ripple effect on others.
A great lesson that teaches us two essential values to live by, “interdependence” and “mutual co-existence”. These will be the mantra now going ahead. “I” will be replaced with “We” and “They” with “Us”.
Our kids are citizens of the world, and any irresponsible behaviour can have a huge impact.
Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining
As my girls started setting down in the “New Normal”, they realised that there were so many positive side-effects of this situation we were forced into. First of all, they got two extra hours of sleep in the morning 🙂 , which is a big thing for teens. No more getting up early morning and rushing to school.
Any break time in the class was an opportunity to raid the fridge for a quick snack, plus they could eat hot meals. Most importantly, they got to let out their frustrations immediately after the class and go back with an open mind to the next lesson.
But on a serious note, as a family, we got so much time together even though it was in between classes. It has been nice to have them around and sharing snippets of their day.
I think another realisation has been that there are so many things that can be done online and where you are; it does not matter any more. My elder daughter has resumed her training sessions with her trainer in India, who started online classes & the younger one moved to online guitar classes. So now the schedules can be flexible to suit everyone’s convenience.
Isn’t that a huge plus? Another lesson learned, another foundational value lived- always look out for the positives hidden in the apparent negative.
Make Use of Time Available on Hand
Suddenly all of us had so much time on hand, even if we were working from home. We were not going out as much and not socialising at all. Therefore it was an excellent opportunity to encourage our teens to pursue any hobbies, desires and dreams without any distraction but within the current constraints. And we were in for a surprise.
Our younger one came up with her card magic website and started her magic tutorial sessions — her long-standing passion. And she thanks the virus for this opportunity. My elder one continued with her passion for dance & workout with so much time on hand.
Again, an important value lived — make the best use of the time available with you. And this would have been mere words before the pandemic.
Financial Frugality
This is by far the most critical life lesson that our teens have or will have to learn. Today’s Teen is well informed and well connected to fathom what’s happening to the global economy & how it is impacting the commoner.
Our Teens now understand the importance of savings for a rainy day. This was a mere proverb for them till now. Financial discussions are now more fruitful and instilling in them the fundamental values of saving and being thrifty.
Health Care Workers — Our Real Heros
Of all the lessons, this one is probably my wishful thinking. However, it's something that I would want for my teens.
Every teen had an idol or a Hero. They try to imitate their styles, looks, habits & want to be like them. Nothing wrong with that, and we have all gone through that stage in our lives.
I would want my teens to redefine their definitions of a hero. A hero should not be the one who looks good only on screen. A hero is a good human being and works selflessly for the betterment of others.
In today’s times, our biggest heroes are our healthcare workers. I am not saying that our teens aspire to become doctors or front line health care covers.
But they can undoubtedly imbibe values of selfless service with courage that these individuals have displayed during these troubled times. The ability to look beyond oneself and help others out is a mark of a true Hero.
Main Takeaway
So as we move into another year of the pandemic and look back, I am glad I instilled certain values in my kids right from childhood. They were certainly not taken off guard by the pandemic and could adapt to the “New Normal”.
As a mom, so many times, I question myself if I am doing this right, am I preparing our kids for the real world? The pandemic experience reaffirmed my faith in the values I want my kids to live by.
Let us hope the scars will heal, and the human race will emerge out stronger, lead by our younger generations. This generation will be more aware, empathetic & compassionate to their entire ecosystem, including the environment and people around them. And then we will have no reason to question, “Am I doing this right....”.
